Summer Viewing Series – Two Headed Shark Attack

With the little extra time I have this summer I have decided I want to watch some things that I may have missed or not gotten the chance to see when I would have liked to. Thanks to Netflix and Redbox there are plenty of options for nightly viewing and so I have assembled a few choices to enjoy and review on my blog so that I have something to talk about other than vague references to the progress of my latest novel. In an attempt to maintain a theme I’m hoping that most of these will have some sort of literary connection, whether they be adaptations or works somehow related to prominent literary authors. This might not always be the case, but I figure it helps justify the series’ place on this blog.

My entry this time around is a movie that I rented based solely on the title. I did not expect it to be any good. I expected it to be absolutely horrible. I figured if it was as horrible as I expected I would enjoy the hell of out it. What I didn’t expect was for it to become something so much more. You see, I watched this with my girlfriend. Her favorite time of year is Shark Week. It was late at night and we were a little delirious. We basically Mystery Science Theatre’d the hell out of this movie and there isso much to enjoy.

First of all, Carmen Electra. She spends, I kid you not, most of her time just posing for the camera subathing on the deck of the ship. She doesn’t have anything to do other than that. She is without a shadow of a doubt where most of the film’s budget went to, and while I respect that she looks good for her age, they could have found someone equally bankable for less money to do the same thing. She’s such an incidental character. The whole plot is that these kids are on a “semester at sea” and the Professor is played by Jerry O’Connell’s cheaper brother Charlie. Carmen Electra is supposedly his wife. Is Carmen Electra supposed to be a professor as well? I don’t know. The only lesson she gives is how to arch one’s back properly while sunbathing. Nobody is around to watch her do this by the way. She’s being sexy for the benefit of nobody. In the context of the film it makes no sense whatsoever. That’s why it is so damned awesome.

Up next is Hulk Hogan’s offspring Brooke. I guess they thought people find her attractive. Or interesting. She is neither. She looks like a pale she-hulk that wandered onto the set to deliver her lines as dryly and flatly as possible. I know she’s not a classically trained actress or anything. But her father wasn’t either, and he produced some amazing moments of cinematic magic. Surely Brooke could have studied some of his films and learned how to chew some scenery. Instead the scenery chewing is left to a two headed shark.

Oh, the shark. I swear they only rendered five shots of the thing and re-used them at will. I’ll actually give them credit for making a full size puppet that looked pretty darn good for such a low budget movie. But every other time the shark appeared it was laughable. And we did laugh. A lot.

So yeah, I know this has nothing to do with literature at all, but I saw it and I think you should too. C’mon, folks. Have a laugh.


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